


when we have a choice

by koalaxninja



Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Fix-It, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Suicidal Ideation, Temporary Character Death, Written Pre-Finale, blood mention, but fuck 4x13 for real, rating because swears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-28
Packaged: 2019-11-29 03:55:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18217844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalaxninja/pseuds/koalaxninja
Summary: When the elevator doors slide open, Penny is surprised at how good it feels to see a familiar face.Or: who is on the damn elevator that makes Penny so sad and fond and soft





	1. Chapter 1

When the elevator doors slide open, Penny is surprised at how good it feels to see a familiar face. While these aren’t exactly ideal circumstances, Penny has been in the Underworld for a long time, and even Quentin, with his exhausted glare and the baggage of trauma weighing down his shoulders, gives Penny a fond feeling. 

“Hey,” he greets, his voice softer than he’s ever used with Quentin, but Penny knows what happened to get Quentin here and he can’t help himself. "Been awhile. Welcome to the Underworld.”

"Yeah, this is about right," Quentin sighs and shuffles off the elevator. He looks wrecked, although Penny knows not nearly as badly as his actual body back on Earth looks. 

“Missed you, too, bro,” Penny says, but Quentin doesn’t even give him an eye roll. Penny steps to the side so Quentin can walk next to him and inclines his head back down the hall. "Come on. Let's talk in my office.” 

"They gave you an office?" Quentin asks as they start down the hall, but his tone is uninterested, and Penny doesn't bother replying. They make their walk from the elevator in silence. 

Despite the promotion to a new department, Penny’s office in the Secrets Taken to the Grave wing is set up exactly the same as his old one. He circles around the desk and settles in, pulling over pen and paper, before looking up to see Quentin still lingering awkwardly by the other chair. 

“You want an invitation?” Penny asks, waving at the chair. “Take a seat.”

Quentin eyes Penny for another beat before finally sitting down. He sits like a marionette with all its strings cut, both feet flat on the floor and his hands tucked between his thighs. Penny finds himself missing the version of Quentin that sat with his knees up to his chest, arms wrapped around his legs. Defensive and anxious, but also sharp and tenacious. The Quentin in front of him now sits and stares at him, or rather, through him, unable to muster up the energy for any of his old annoying tics. His wards are better than they used to be, but even through them, Penny doesn't feel much from him at all besides exhaustion. 

"Time moves differently down here," Penny says after completing his observation of the man in front of him. Quentin's eyes focus on him, but he doesn't move to reply, which is just as well. "So I've had a lot of time to read. Including our books. Our friends’ books. The supporting cast, everybody.” 

"I thought you weren't supposed to read your own book," Quentin replies. Penny smirks at the hint of snark, but ignores him otherwise and continues. 

"You idiots have pulled a lot of shit since I've been gone. It's impressive really, you gave my book club a lot of material to discuss with all your bad decisions." 

"Great," Quentin sighs. "The whole Underworld knows I'm a fuck up. Is Eliot alive?" 

Penny isn’t surprised by the question. It would’ve been first on his mind too, if he had died while trying to free Kady from possession by a monster even the gods were afraid of. Quentin’s plan had been wild and reckless, but it was the only one the group came up with that didn’t include almost certain death for Eliot. With Margo on his side, Quentin had been able to steamroll the others into agreeing. 

Since the Monster actually seemed to _like_ Quentin - in a horrifying and traumatic way, yes, but Quentin was still the only one the Monster called by the correct name - and more importantly, trusted him, he was sent in as the distraction while the others set up the expulsion spell Margo had pulled out of the desert. Quentin lured him into the trap, while Alice and Kady performed the actual spell, and Julia, Penny 23, and Margo constructed a new prison to hold him, and kept the doors open wide for Alice and Kady to send him through. The spell was almost complete, but the Monster realized Quentin’s betrayal and even as he was dragged out of Eliot’s body, he had power enough to slice Quentin down. Quentin fell before the spell was complete, and was gone before anyone could get to his side. Quentin died violently, alone in a chaotic maelstrom of magic that he had orchestrated, without knowing if any of his efforts had been worth the cost. And now Penny was looking at his old roommate and reluctant friend, wondering how that depressed nerd fanboy had become the same person who broke and mended the world over and over again. 

"Eliot's alive," Penny says gently. "Your plan worked." 

"Well, that's a first," Quentin says. He closes his eyes, but otherwise doesn't move. Penny had expected a sign of relief, maybe some tears, but Quentin doesn't seem to have enough left in him to react to Eliot being alive.

“You have a few options now,” Penny says, after giving Quentin a moment to process. He opens his eyes, but is staring through Penny again, like being dead is the least of his worries now. Penny continues, “You already know the first option; you and Julia took it for a test run once getting her shade back. Option two: me. This is the Secrets Taken to the Grave division - it's a fast pass to your final resting place. You tell me what you’ve never told anyone, I give you a metro card straight down." 

"So tell you my deepest, darkest secrets or wait for an eternity in a bowling alley for them to call my number?" Quentin asks. "Those are pretty shit options."

“Then shut the fuck up so I can tell you the third," says Penny, happy to slip back into bickering with Quentin rather than talking at the dead-eyed shade in front of him. Quentin rolls his eyes and falls silent, gaze down on the ground. Penny waits a beat, resists the urge to call him a nerd just to lighten the mood, and continues. 

"The third is an offer from the Library," Penny says and watches Quentin's shoulders tighten. "A gift." 

"A gift,” Quentin repeats, tone heavy with disbelief. “With about a thousand strings attached, I bet. What, they short on librarians at the moment? I get my own billion year contract?" 

"First of all, a) fuck you, you aren't a Traveler, and even if you studied for a thousand years, you'd still be useless at it. And b) gifts don't come with strings, asshole. You took down the Monster, sort of the Library's public enemy number one. Alice helped Zelda get her daughter back, and Kady's leadership with the hedge witches has shaken the Library out of their ivory tower bullshit. So, one time offer: I can take you back." 

"What do Alice and Kady get?" is somehow Quentin's first question. Not, 'Gee, thanks, Penny, let's go!' Not even, 'Thank god, I won't be abandoning the love of my life and inflicting even more psychological damage on him.' Penny reminisces fondly about throwing Quentin into walls.

"One gift," Penny replies. "Your life." 

Quentin slouches further down in the chair. "Tell the Library they should give Alice and Kady something better than that." 

"Fuck you," Penny replies. "You know what they're doing right now? Staring at  _your_ dead body. You died, but it’s everyone else who has to deal with the consequences of that. I'm offering you a chance at life, and you're choosing death?" 

"Look, I don't mean to brag, but I was suicidal way before I met you," Quentin snaps back. “So why can’t I just be _done_?” His voice cracks on the last word, all the desperation and heartbreak and exhaustion he’s been pushing aside for months finally seeping through. Memories of Brian's trauma, the agony of his own death, all the bad decisions he made for the sake of saving Eliot. The outburst seems to drain Quentin of whatever energy he has left, and he slumps forward to rest his elbows on his knees and bury his face in his hands. Penny watches him for a minute, then gets up from behind his desk to sit next to Quentin in the other chair. 

"You died," Penny says. Quentin snorts, but doesn’t look up. "Violently. No one would blame you for wanting to be done." 

"Good," Quentin says, his voice thick. "Let's do that."

"But do you think anyone is going to let you go? That Julia isn't already petitioning every god still alive? That Eliot won't march down here and drag you out himself?" 

"Are you just asking that because you think Kady will come with him to get you?" Quentin asks, finally looking over at him, although he stays slumped forward. The question cuts deeper than Penny cares to admit, but this isn't about him. He chose his path so long ago, and it sucks that Kady isn't on it, but there are great and beautiful things waiting ahead for her still. And Penny is happy, for once, with a purpose and a home that he has learned to embrace wholeheartedly. 

"My chapter up there is done," replies Penny. "My story went a different direction. Yours doesn't have to. The book of Quentin Coldwater could be a lot longer. Should be.”

“Who would that help?” Quentin asks wearily, looking away again. “Me being alive just seems to cause more problems than it fixes.”

“Help yourself, you self-sacrificing idiot,” Penny says, truly annoyed for the first time since Quentin stepped off the elevator. “You’ve been fighting those voices in your head that say everyone would be better off without you your entire life. Take it from someone who’s had actual voices of actual monsters in their head - they don’t fucking matter. You get to tell them where to shove it.” 

“Just because they’re monsters, doesn’t mean they’re wrong,” Quentin replies.

“Oh my god.” Penny rolls his eyes so hard, he has to lean back to glare at the ceiling for a moment before turning back to Quentin. “I can’t believe I have to argue this with you. You, of all people, know how hard it is to bring someone back to life, how _impossible_. I’m trying to hand you a free pass, but you’d rather let your depression and lack of self-esteem bullshit do the talking right now?” 

“I’m so tired, Penny,” Quentin says. He sighs, and rubs at his eyes. “Doesn’t Zelda have something better to reward Alice and Kady with? If the Library has the power to send me back, surely they have something that would be a lot more valuable to them.” 

“How about not having your blood on their hands, asshole?” asks Penny. “You can argue that it was your plan all you want, but you know that if your roles were reversed, you’d be blaming yourself too. How about, for once, everyone gets to live? How about Alice and Kady, who have _both_ lost _multiple_ people that they care about, don’t have to add you to their list? You and Alice broke up, but you still care about each other. And Kady doesn’t have siblings, but she treats you like a brother. A _dumb_ and _annoying_ little brother, but if you think she doesn’t care about her family, you don’t know her at all.” Penny lets that diatribe sink in for a moment, before asking, “Do I even need to tell you how the others feel?” 

The others - Margo, fierce and tough, but soft and sweet with Quentin. Julia, his oldest and dearest friend, the one who has been steadfast at his side, through every crazy and reckless decision he’s made over the last few months. And Eliot. Eliot, who he was willing to die for. Eliot, who he should be willing to live for. 

Quentin is quiet, staring down at the floor between his feet. When he doesn’t respond, Penny gets up and goes back behind his desk. He picks up his pen and busies himself with some of the department transfer paperwork that had been left for him - to be filled out in triplicate, of course - and lets Quentin think.

Penny is halfway through his second set of paperwork, when Quentin speaks up. It’s one word, and so quiet that Penny almost misses it, but when it registers, he almost drops his pen in relief. 

“Okay.” 

He looks up and Quentin is still hunched forward over his knees, shoulders still up around his ears, but he’s looking directly at Penny for the first time with clear eyes. He takes a deep breath, and says again, louder, “Okay. Take me back.”

“Okay,” Penny replies, a slow grin spreading across his face. “Then let’s go.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Loosely inspired by coldwaughters' [post](https://coldwaughters.tumblr.com/post/183556778784/everybody-who-keeps-saying-that-it-couldnt-be), which is so sweet and lovely, and I just straight up miss Quentin and Penny bickering and hating the fact that they care about each other. I'm not entirely convinced it is Q on the elevator, but that's mostly because I'm hoping the writers are going to dodge the whole bury-your-gays trope. 
> 
> This does stand alone nicely, but I've already written another 1000 words for a second chapter, and have two ideas for extra bonus scenes to add on as well, so you can definitely expect those to go up in the next couple days.
> 
> On a personal note, this is the most writing I've done in many years, and my first time ever writing a second fic in the same fandom, and I'm just so grateful to everyone who commented and kudos-ed my last fic. I'm enjoying every minute of being on this wild season 4 ride, and I'm glad we're all going together (so we all have shoulders to cry on).


	2. Chapter 2

“Will it hurt?” 

They’re riding the elevator up the next time Quentin speaks, but his voice has changed. Penny turns, and it’s Quentin’s shade standing next to him now, a tiny little boy who barely reaches Penny’s waist, with mousy brown hair that is already being used to hide his face. He’s looking up at Penny with sad, lonely eyes that Penny is familiar with in the adult Quentin, but actually makes him ache to look at in this much younger version. 

“Yeah,” Penny says, soft and fond in the same way he felt when he first saw Quentin arrive in the Underworld. “I’m sorry, buddy, but it will.” He reaches down, offering his hand out to little Quentin. “But I’ll be there the whole time, okay?” 

Little Quentin stares up at him, then down at his offered hand. He nods once, and then takes Penny’s hand. “Okay.”

When Penny steps off the elevator, he is alone, Quentin’s shade a ball of light and energy tucked into his breast pocket. Waiting just ahead is Quentin’s body, with the group gathered around, still caught in their grief and disbelief. Time moves differently in the Underworld, after all, and Penny could have argued with Quentin for days and still come out in this moment. No one notices him yet, and he lets himself just watch. If seeing Quentin again had made him fond, seeing everyone, even in a moment as terrible as this, fills his heart to the brim, and he wants to savor it while no one else is looking. 

Quentin’s head is resting in Julia’s lap, and she is bent over him, gently stroking his hair, tears falling freely down her face. Penny 23 is crouched next to her, arm around her shaking shoulders, while she quietly murmurs, “Q,” over and over. Alice and Kady are standing above them, Kady with a tight grip on Alice’s arm, but Penny can’t tell if she’s seeking or giving comfort in that moment. Neither of them are crying, but their grief is practically tangible, even from where Penny is standing. 

Margo and Eliot are tangled on the ground at Quentin’s side. Margo is holding Eliot upright, but she looks as if being strong for him is all that’s keeping her together, doe eyes wide and shining with tears of her own. But Eliot… Eliot is _broken._ In a moment that should be triumphant, reclaiming his body from an all-powerful Monster, Eliot is reduced to an inelegant sprawl on the ground, caught in between shock and grief and a loss so profound, Penny can’t look at him directly. Penny’s grateful that Quentin said yes, because if he had had to come up here to tell the group that the Library offered Quentin life, but he said _no_? Penny has hurt his fair share of people, but if he had to look Eliot in the face right now and deliver worse news than what was already laid out on the ground in front of him, he would never forgive himself. 

Of course, it’s Kady who spots him first. Her eyes widen, and her expression flickers through fear and anger, before returning to grief. 

“What the fuck?” She asks, and her first tear falls down her cheek. Penny wishes he could reach out to brush it away, but he’s here on a job. Everyone else, except Eliot and Julia, looked up when Kady spoke, and Penny straightens his suit jacket reflexively, suddenly nervous with everyone’s attention on him. 

“Hey,” he greets, and steps towards the group. He looks at Kady, and Kady’s gaze flickers back to Quentin for a second, but then she turns back to him and doesn’t look away again. 

“How are you here?” she asks. She keeps her hold on Alice like she’s rooting herself to the spot to keep herself from running over to him. Penny’s heart breaks, but he’s grateful to Kady standing strong. 

He doesn’t answer right away, but kneels down on Quentin’s other side, across from Eliot, and looks down at the mess Quentin has made of himself. He’s covered in blood from three great slashes across his chest, but even the fatal wounds aren’t enough to cover up how little Quentin has been taking care of himself. He’s lost weight, and death didn’t erase the deep circles under his eyes. Lines of stress are etched onto his face even now, as if his body is anticipating what Penny is going to do next. 

Penny looks up at the others, and everyone is looking at him, waiting for an explanation. Julia has wrapped her arms around Quentin’s shoulders, as if she needs to protect him from Penny, and Eliot has a tight grip on Quentin’s hand, even as he trembles from the aftermath of all that the Monster has inflicted on his body.

“I’m here on behalf of the Library,” Penny says, meeting Kady’s eyes and speaking to her. She’s not the one who most needs to hear _what_ he has to say, but she needs to hear _him,_ and he owes her the most, so he speaks to her. “To deliver a gift.” 

He pulls Quentin’s shade out of his jacket and it shines in the palm of his hand. Julia gasps — of course, she would know what it is on sight. The others look transfixed — even Eliot has been pulled in by the glow. Penny holds it for a moment, silently wishing it well, before plunging it into Quentin’s chest. 

Quentin wakes up screaming. Becoming alive again, the rush of sensations and feelings, is like getting yanked into the undercurrent after floating in the peaceful pool of death. It’s turbulent and the ensuing onslaught is too powerful to fight, dragging souls kicking and screaming back to the surface. It’s why bringing people back to life is taboo — most souls don’t want to come back, even when they think they do. Death is peaceful and quiet, because it comes easy; life is painful and messy, and has to be fought for. But Penny has the entire knowledge of the Library behind him, and the strength of the love of this makeshift, reluctant family Quentin built in front of him — not to mention, a powerful healing spell to make sure Quentin’s body is strong enough to retain his shade. 

The others are moving and yelling while Penny works, but he keeps his focus on Quentin beneath his hands. Someone knocks into him at one point, but Quentin’s hand that Eliot wasn’t holding stops flailing around in shock and pain, so he keeps pouring magic into Quentin until the Library’s gift is complete and Quentin’s chest is moving under his hands, his screams faded into teary gasps. The slashes across his chest have faded into three long red lines, and Quentin is staring up at Penny, his eyes wide, awake, _alive._

“Fuck,” Quentin exhales, and squeezes his eyes shut. Tears leak out and disappear into his hairline. “That was worse than the Beast slicing off my shoulder.” 

“That’s because you died, asshole.” Margo finds her voice first, her tone harsh but her hands gentle as she smooths over the tatters of Quentin’s shirt. She’s scooted around Eliot, her outfit be damned, to sit at Quentin’s shoulder, and leans down now that Quentin is awake and blinking up at everyone to kiss him on the forehead. “I’ll never forgive you for making me cry. I can’t get this mascara in Fillory, you know.” 

Penny looks up, and everyone has shifted while he was bringing Quentin back. Eliot and Julia are in the same places, still holding onto Quentin, but Penny 23 and Alice are both down by Quentin’s feet now, presumably to hold him down while Penny forced his body to take back his shade. And Kady. Kady must be who knocked into him earlier, because she’s at his side, her hands still on Quentin’s arm, but her gaze locked on him, smiling with tears in her eyes, like she knows without asking, that he was only given permission to give Quentin back. 

Penny reluctantly drags his gaze away from Kady to look down at Quentin. His breathing has evened out, but he hasn’t moved yet from his spot in Julia’s lap. “Q, man? You good?”

Quentin takes a deep, shuddering breath before answering, but he says, “Yeah, I’m good. Help me up.” 

Between Penny, Julia, and Kady, they get Quentin sitting upright, face to face with Eliot. They make an odd mirror of each other, both weakened by everything the Monster put them both through, but still here, with the twin pillars of Margo and Julia to support them through whatever comes next. 

Eliot drops Quentin’s hand to reach up to cup his face with both hands, and after a moment, and a stuttered breath that Penny feels more than sees, Quentin closes his eyes and leans into the touch. 

“Please,” Eliot whispers. “Please don’t ever do that again.” 

“Yeah,” Quentin says on a sigh. “You either.” 

Eliot pulls him into a kiss then, and it’s so tender and intimate that, while Julia and Margo are grinning like fools, everyone else scrambles away to give them privacy, Penny 23 muttering as he walks away, “Okay, that explains everything.” 

Alice leaves with Penny 23, but Kady is still standing with Penny. He glances at the elevator, knowing he has to leave soon, but he can’t miss this opportunity. Kady follows his gaze to the elevator, then looks back at him.

“You’re leaving again,” she states. Her arms are crossed with her weight on her back foot, and Penny recognizes her angry, defensive posture, but her face just looks sad. Resigned. 

“I’m sorry,” he says. “I have to get back to the Library. Lotta work down there that needs to get done.” 

“God, they really brainwashed you, didn’t they?” Kady scoffs. 

“It’s not like that,” Penny says. “Things in the Underworld branch have been changing for a long time. It’s starting to spread up here now at last, and we’ve got you to thank for that.” 

“Me?” 

“Yeah.” Penny can’t hold out any longer and takes Kady’s hands in his. He smiles at her, so proud to see that, no matter how hard it tries, the world just can’t take Kady Orloff-Diaz down. “You, Kady. You’re changing all of magic right now. You’re giving hedge witches a seat at the table, and making the Library listen to outsiders for a change. It’s incredible, what you’re doing, and it’s going to change everything. For the better.” 

“But what about us, huh?” Kady asks. “Why do I have to do it alone?” 

“You’re not alone,” Penny replies. “You’ve got all these idiots.”

Kady rolls her eyes. “You know what I mean.” She takes her hands back to cross her arms again, and glares at the elevator door. Then she looks back over at their friends, and her gaze softens. Penny looks too, and they watch Penny 23 helping Eliot to his feet and Margo and Julia doing the same for Quentin. Quentin’s blood still stains the ground under their feet, but Quentin himself looks more alive than he has in months. 

“Thanks for bringing him back,” Kady says quietly. Alice is gathering up the last of the ingredients they used for the spell, and soon everyone will be ready to leave this spot behind. Their paths are destined to branch off into different directions, but Penny knows — he’s read this — that they all cross again, eventually. Even his. 

“Couldn’t leave you without the king of the idiots,” Penny smirks, but it turns into a real smile when Kady laughs. They stand together in this moment of peace, listening to their friends, damaged, but alive enough to heal, and this moment is enough, to be present, no past dragging them down, no future looming overhead. The world will come dragging them forward into the next round soon, sooner than they’re ready for, but for this brief moment, they have peace. They have each other. 

“Take care of yourself, alright?” Kady says eventually, turning to him and pulling him into an insistent hug. Penny returns it full force, burying his face in her hair. “I want to see you running that Library soon.” She pulls away and she’s smiling up at him, and she’s resigned, but she’s also proud. “They need someone like you to kick them all in the ass.” 

“You too, Kady,” Penny replies. He bends to kiss her on the forehead. “You’re gonna change the world.” 

“Damn right,” Kady smirks. She drops her arms and takes a step back, towards their friends. Penny drinks in the sight of her one last time before he turns and walks away, getting back in the elevator. When he turns around, his friends are all watching him leave. They’re standing together, Penny 23 and Margo supporting Eliot, and Kady gone to help Julia, their arms around Quentin, with Alice standing off to the side with a box of magical items in her arms.

“I better not see any more of you assholes in the Underworld for a long time,” Penny calls as he presses the elevator button. “I got shit to do, I don’t need you distracting me.”

“We love you, too, Penny,” Julia yells back. The others shout their own farewells as the doors slide shut, mixing in a cacophony of goodbyes and love and thank you's and a “fuck you, too, asshole,” from the other Penny. Quentin catches his eye and doesn’t say anything, but Penny’s always been able to read him like a book. 

_Quentin’s going to be alright,_ Penny thinks as the elevator doors slide shut. Kady and the others, too. 

And so will Penny.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a Penny&Quentin story, but then Kady smashed in and demanded her own closure, so I had to figure out how to do right by her to get this chapter to come out. 
> 
> I'm overwhelmed by the feedback I've gotten so far, you all are so sweet and wonderful, thank you <333 I've got two more short vignettes I want to add onto this story, hopefully before the next episode comes out and josses everything. 
> 
> Thank you again for reading!


	3. Epilogue: Kady

They celebrate, of course. In a much smaller, more contained way than the typical parties at the Physical Cottage, but life is short, everyone got to walk away this time, and Marina's well-stocked bar is begging to be decimated by a handful of exhausted, delirious, and traumatized twenty-somethings high off a rare victory. 

None of them are up to much though, and it isn't long before Margo is bullying Eliot into the bath for a proper wash and haircut. Alice is already back to researching the worms still attacking hedges, and Penny and Julia are holding hands under the dining room table. Kady wants to fully avoid  _that_  particular scene, but she can’t fathom focusing long enough to help Alice either. 

So, she keeps Quentin company on the balcony while he smokes. 

"The ex-junkie thing is gonna undercut what I say next, but dying of lung cancer after being brought back to life is a pretty shit move, Q," Kady says lazily, speaking more out of principle than true disapproval. She and Quentin are standing shoulder to shoulder at the railing looking over the city. Kady brought out beers, but so far she has been drinking alone. 

Quentin says, "Sorry," and continues smoking his current cigarette - his third - down to the butt, but then he stubs it out and doesn't light a fourth. Kady hands him the beer he's been ignoring instead. 

Quentin takes it, but instead of drinking, asks, ”So how long do you think until the world goes up in flames again?" 

"Knowing us?" Kady shrugs. "An hour." 

Quentin huffs a laugh and his fingers twitch like he wants another cigarette, but he drinks the beer instead. "Well. Live to fight another day, I guess." 

"Cheers." Kady clinks their bottles together and they both drink. Kady doesn't spend a lot of time with Quentin outside of life or death situations, but in this calm moment, where all of their problems are just far enough away, it's nice to just have him at her shoulder, breathing and living and existing in the quiet. 

"There you two are." Margo's voice breaks the stillness and they turn to look at her. She's the most casual Kady has ever seen her, barefoot and dressed in one of Josh's shirts and a pair of Quentin's sleep pants, but still projecting royalty with her hands on her hips and somehow managing to stare down at them even without the assist of skyscraper heels. "Get your asses in here, we're taking a Team Nap, and I've got enough Ambien with me that we’re all getting a minimum twelve hours."

"That's not the weirdest way someone's gotten me into bed," Kady smirks. Quentin seems to hesitate at her side though, so she grabs his shoulder and pushes him inside in front of her. 

"Trust me," Margo says, shutting the balcony door and following them over to the living area where the others have started stockpiling pillows and blankets on the plush carpet. "I can get you into bed in far more creative ways." She smirks at Kady, then adds, "If you ever want me to prove it to you, let me know." She lingers for another moment before flouncing off to settle down on the floor next to Eliot and Kady watches her go, amused.

Margo is true to her word and passes around the Ambien bottle, while Alice sets some final wards up at the door and Julia fusses over the pillow arrangement. Penny is watching Julia, a soft smile on his face that makes Kady ache to look at. Eliot has his arms around Quentin and Margo, and while the relief on Quentin's face is real, his shoulders don't fully relax until Julia lies down next to him. But when Eliot buries his face in Quentin's hair, Quentin takes Eliot's hand in his and doesn't let go. Kady still isn't sure what her place in this group really is, but seeing them all sprawled out on the floor looking happy and relaxed warms her to her core. 

Penny tosses her the Ambien bottle, and that breaks her out of her contemplation of the scene before her. She shakes out a couple pills and tosses them down dry, before walking around the group to spread out on one of the couches instead. 

"You're all crazy if you think Alice and I are sleeping on the floor after we pulled off that spell for you today," Kady says. She looks over in time to see Alice shoot her a grateful glance as she sits down gingerly on the other couch. Alice might have completed her redemption tour, but she never seemed like a cuddler in the best of times, let alone now. The least Kady can do is show her some solidarity.

"Couches are for chumps," Margo responds, but her voice is already laced thick with sleep and muffled from where she's pressed her face into Eliot's back. 

"I could sleep on a rock," Eliot says, and Quentin hums his agreement. 

Kady feels the drugs kicking in, but she watches as one by one the others drift off. She thinks about weaving powerful, forgotten magic with Alice, the look on Quentin's face as he fell, the sound of Julia's screams. Her eyes close when she remembers how it felt to see  _her_  Penny again, bringing with him the impossible, love and hope and life. She thinks about letting him walk away again, about the six voicemails Pete left her today, and the hedge witches waiting for her to guide them. 

"You can sleep." Kady startles, her eyes flying open, and Alice is looking at her from the other couch. She hasn't laid down like the rest of them, and a pile of books next to her suggest she isn't planning on it. 

"You can sleep," Alice repeats. "I'll keep watch tonight. It's safe." 

With Alice’s reassurances, Kady sleeps, and it feels like healing. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know no one is going to read this tonight, but I can't watch the new episode until tomorrow, so I'm distracting myself so I don't accidentally see any spoilers! 
> 
> Guys, Kady is so hard to write. This took a lot longer to write than I anticipated. I wanted to keep the happy ending, but also not ignore the fact that all these babies are pretty fucked up, and that is a _hard_ line to walk. I'm still not super satisfied with this, but the other epilogue I have planned should be quick and fun! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and all the amazing feedback <33


	4. Epilogue: Josh

When Margo gets her throne back, she takes Eliot, Quentin, and Kady back to Fillory for her second - or third - coronation ceremony. 

Josh is there to meet them in the throne room, and his eyes light up at the sight of Eliot, immaculately dressed and his hair styled.

"Eliot!" he cries. "You're here! You're okay! You know, we're going to have to invent a texting spell across worlds, because your bunnies have been woefully lacking in the deets. How'd you get rid of the Monster?"

"It wasn't that big a deal," Margo shrugs. "Oh, well, Q died."

Josh's jaw drops and he looks over at a very much alive Quentin in confusion. "Wait, what?" 

Eliot, not paying attention, interrupts. "Oh, there's Fen. Excuse me, I should say hello to my wife who thinks I've been dead for the last year."

"Oh, I hope she talked to that seamstress working on my coronation dress," Margo says, following after Eliot. "If she tries to use chiffon instead of organza one more time, I am seriously going to punt a bitch."

Eliot and Margo's chatter about fabrics continues as they walk off, so Josh turns to Quentin instead. "You died?!" 

Quentin shrugs. "I got better? It was kind of interesting, actually, so -,"

Kady, apparently not willing to wait for Quentin to get through a rambling explanation, snags Quentin's elbow when he's mid-sentence and starts towing him towards the door. "Q, come on, you were going to show me Chatwin's Torrent. The hedge thing, remember?"

"Oh, right," Quentin says, stumbling along after Kady. He looks back over his shoulder at Josh with his apology eyes, but Kady is moving fast and still has a grip on his arm. They disappear in the opposite direction of Eliot and Margo. 

Josh looks back and forth at the empty spaces where his friends were standing before they all scattered, leaving him even more confused than when there was an entire universe between them and their primary source of communication was talking bunnies.  

"You guys seriously suck at explaining things!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooooh, man. Guys, that last episode, I felt _seen_. Margo's journey was so amazing, I still haven't fully processed it. So I wrote a short final thing making fun of Josh. Haha, sorry, Josh. Also, I don't know anything about fabric, so Margo's opinions are her own. 
> 
> This has been so much fun to write, and all of your kudos-es and comments have filled my cold little heart to bursting. I love you all and hopefully I'll be back soon with more stories for you!


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